School Spirit
by DarkJakGirl
Summary: What if Jak and Co. had to survive a day of high school? Jak in a girly play? Daxter getting gunned down? Torn laughing his head off? Will any of them make it out alive?
1. 1st Period

DJG: "Hey! Whazzup? I'm back, and ready to take my revenge on my crappy school system! I thought up the idea while a certain Grammer Nazi screamed at me.(you'll get it later)So, yeah. Please review and I might post more chaps later."

Muse: "You really have no life, do you?"

DJG: "Here's the cast of all the teachers they will meet!"

Miss Young…..Nice enough, I guess, but always dresses strangly and makes us read stupid books. Lit teacher.

Miss Kostelnick…..The clueless band teacher who notices nothing. Seriously. I asked her if I could go change my reed in the middle of band once, and she said yes. I play the trumpet. 

Mr. Schimp…… Perverted P.E teacher who stares at the girl's butts the whole period.

….Has a huge butt. He's the science teacher who hates me for some unknown reason.

Mr. Hoffman…..Evil social studies teacher, who also hates me for no reason.

Mrs. Garman……AKA, Grammer Nazi, is the Language teacher who hates all humanity. She's a human blimp! She yelled at me for BREATHING TOO LOUDLY!!!!!!!

Mr. Harms…..Another clueless teacher. He runs Tech Lab, and it is boring beyond belief.

Mrs. Heilscov…..Algebra teacher who is nice, but gives us a bogus amount of homework every night!

Mr. Wempin……Principal of the school. Is a total wuss, and his only purpose is to tell kids to get off the table.

Mrs. Tidman….Also known as Mrs. T, she is the most evil teacher in the world. She loves Coke, and often lies to get a kid in trouble. I am not joking around here. I'm convinced she has no soul.

DJG: "Somehow, through some strange event the author is too lazy to explain, Jak and Co. end up at my school and have to attend classes. Why? I don't know, just go with it, and enjoy the hilarity that will ensue!"

**Jak and Keira are standing by their lockers. "Why are we here at all?" Jak muttered angrily. Keira laughed. "DJG wanted to take revenge on this place for some reason. I wonder why? It's nice here." Suddenly, the bell rings. All the kids surrounding them instantly run into the cluster of classrooms, otherwise know as the pod. Jak, Keira, Daxter, and Torn are left standing in the deserted hallway. A tall man in an ugly suit marched up to them. Ignoring the others, he snaps: "Daxter! Get to class!" and runs into the teacher's lounge. Daxter stared at the rest of them. "I think we just met Mr. Wempin. Guess DJG was right about him singling out people."**

**1****st**** Period…**

Jak, Daxter, Keira, Torn, Ashelin, Tess, and Sig were mostly in different periods for first. Jak was all by himself in Literature, Keira was in Choir with Sig, Daxter and Torn were in Language, and Ashelin, and Tess were in Study Hall.

**Lit room…**

Jak looked at the book Ms. Young had put on his desk. "The Man Who Loved Clowns? Are you serious?" He was beginning to suspect that this might be as bad as prison. She was dressed in a black blouse with a pink poofy scarf, blue skirt, and orange shoes. Her hair was in a bun with two pencils impaling it. "It's a classic. Now, since you are a new student, why don't you go stand in the front of the room and tell us your life story?" Jak stared at her. "What HAVE you been smoking?" She stuck out her lip. "That's no way to talk to a teacher! Fine, you don't have to if you're nervous. We've been working on skits. We need someone to be Little Red Riding Hood, in The Fictional Girl's Tea party, so here's your red hood thingie and a basket of cookies." She handed him a script and tied the cape-hood thing around his neck. Handing him the basket of cookies, she pushed him to the front of the room with four other girls. Jak was wrong. This wasn't as bad as prison. This was worse.

**Choir Room…**

Keira was shocked at the songs they wanted them to sing. In the music folder there was a song called "Hot Chocolate", "She'll Be Coming Around The Mountain", and "Sleigh Ride". "I didn't even know that one had words." Sig mumbled. "Okay, class." Mrs. Anderson said. (**I know I don't mention her in the cast, but she is obsessed with stopping every, like, six seconds.) **The class picked up their music and started on "Sleigh Ride." After two words, she said: "No, no, stop, you all suck horribly. Start over again." And so it went. After starting over 17 more times, Keira whispered to Sig. "I wish we could take a Sleigh Ride over her FACE!" Sig's laugh drowned out the rest of the class's singing, and Mrs. Anderson flipped out. "Keira! Come here!" She slowly walked up to her desk, and Mrs. Anderson handed her a pink slip of paper. "This is a pink slip. It means detention. Be here at 3:40 after school today to do hopelessly boring things until you die." Sig raised his hand. "What?" she said. "Is talking really that bad of a crime, cherry? Cuz if it is, you haven't seen anything yet." Just then, Daxter ran in, being chased by . "Help, the fat teacher's after me!" he screamed, diving under a chair.

**Language Room…**

"This is torture! I'm dying of boredom and class hasn't even started yet!" Daxter moaned. He was in Language at the beginning of first period. Torn was sitting behind him, muttering swear words. threw a notebook at all of them. "Siddown! Shaddup! Write down, something. I don't care. Just use proper English!" She sat in a chair and glared at all of the students, her gaze lingering on Daxter. "What's with the rat? He looks like he belongs in a freaking pet store." Torn instantly sat up, all ears now. "I like her so far." he said, smiling at Daxter, who was moaning. "Why do all old people hate me?!?!" He jumped onto the desk and pointed an orange finger at her. "Now listen to me, fat ass! I am being held here against my will, and no old, wrinkly hag like you is gonna make me sit and write if I don't wanna!" Mrs. Garman smiled sweetly at Daxter. "Well, then. If you are no longer a student, I guess I'll have to get rid of you." she reached under her desk and pulled out a sub-machine gun. "AHHHH!" Daxter screamed, hiding behind other students. Garman shot anyone in front of Daxter anyway. Daxter screamed again, and ran through the school, looking for safety. He found himself in the Choir Room. "Help! The fat teacher's after me!"

**Study Hall…**

Ashelin glanced over at Tess. Both of them were bored out of their minds. In study hall, there was no talking, no going to the bathroom, no getting up at all. You just had to sit there and do your homework. No reading books. Just homework. The teacher, , **(I know I didn't mention her either. She's the most clueless eighth grade math teacher in human history.)** was sitting at a table reading a romance novel. Ashelin noticed Tess fiddling with some metal parts. She scribbled a quick note. "What are you doing?" She threw the note at Tess, across the cafeteria, which is where study halls were. She unfolded it and wrote a quick reply. When Ashelin got it back, it said: "Building a gun so I can kill myself. You'd be amazed at the variety of parts in mechanical pencils." She laughed, earning a death glare from . Whoever thought of putting study halls in first period??? You had no homework, couldn't read anything, and couldn't move around or _anything. _Now all she had to do was remember this place if she ever felt the need to torture someone from Haven City. Finally, after 45 minutes of pure boredom, the bell rang. Tess and Ashelin were out of the room before anyone else had even picked up their stuff.

**Hallway…**

Keira was holding the pink slip, frowning. She had no idea whether she should skip detention or go anyway. Sig was feelin' good. The teachers here were wimps. Back in the Wasteland, the teachers kicked the crap outta all the kids, everyday. That was how they learned. Sig had left Mrs. Anderson tied up in a closet for making him take off his skull armor and give her his Peacemaker. Well, he still had it. Tough luck, . As they passed the Lit room, they heard screaming from inside. "Get back! You're mad, woman, MAD!" Jak fell out of the classroom, and ran to his locker, screaming swear words. Keria followed him. When he opened his locker, Daxter fell out. "Is she gone? Is the fat teacher-?" Torn came around the corner with Sig. He started laughing when he saw Jak. "Hey, Goldilocks, you seen Jak anywhere?" Jak ripped off the cape/hood thingie, and threw the basket on the ground. "How is that-that _MADWOMAN _even a certified teacher?" Ashelin and Tess joined them. "Anyone else hating this place yet?" Ashelin asked. Slowly, they all raised their hands. "Anyone dare see what's next period?" Tess muttered. Jak tentatively peeked at the schedule. He almost fell over. "Is it that bad?" Keira asked, taking the schedule from him. She gasped, and it fell to the floor. "What's next, chilipepper? Whatever it is, it can't be worse than last period." Keira spoke slowly. "No, Sig. It's much worse than last period. According to this, all of us, next period," she started hyperventilating. Jak stared at all of them wide-eyed. "Band." he whispered, and they all started screaming.


	2. 2nd PeriodBand

**DJG: "If anyone is confused here by the cast of teachers, you can find a bio on most **

**of them in the first chap. But, you probably already knew that…"**

**Muse: "No duh."**

**DJG: " Hehehe, band. Since everyone else in my school despises it, I couldn't resist seeing how Jak & Co. like it…enjoy the story!"**

Jak, Sig, Keira, Daxter, Ashelin, Torn, and Tess were dreading band. None of them could play any instruments at all. The only upside was that the one who forced them to be in the school at all, DJG, was going to be there too. "Now what?" Daxter snapped. He was still sore from Mrs. Garman's surprise attack. Keira shook her head. "I guess we go to band…" They slowly marched down the hallway, past the music room, Mr. Wempin's office, and finally, the dreaded Band Room. They walked in, and found cases of every sort and size filled with instruments. Tess pulled out her homemade gun and put it to her head. They all had bad memories of instruments. Daxter remembered Samos trying to make Jak and him learn to play the French horn and oboe. Neither one had ever even learned to play a scale before they had chucked them into a river in the Forbidden Forest. Keira also had been forced to play the flute, but she actually got pretty far until Daxter put a whumpbee's nest inside it on Jak's ninth birthday. The results were messy.

Ashelin had also been forced to learn the flute by her father. She had "accidentally" dropped it off the Palace roof the first chance she got. Torn had to learn how to play the trumpet for the Krimzon Guard, and he hated every minute of it. He also knew how to play the tuba from his childhood days. Sig knew how to play the drums from when he was a kid, and he still remembered what to do. Tess had never even seen an instrument before. They were screwed.

**Instrumental Room (AKA the place where you actually play)…**

Mrs. Kostelnick had Daxter playing the clarinet, Torn on tuba, Jak on flute, Keira on oboe, Sig on percussion, Ashelin on French horn, Tess on trombone, and DJG was playing the trumpet. Jak stared at the flute with hate. "Why do all the teachers treat me like a girl?!?!" He glanced at Tess. "Can I borrow your gun?" Daxter was equally annoyed with the clarinet. "What's this button do? What is the purpose of this thing? It's like a freaking baseball bat!" Ashelin didn't mind the French horn so much until Mrs. Kostelnick showed her that sometimes you have to put your hand _inside _the bell. Daxter was in hysterics. "I betcha _LOOOOOVE_ sticking your hand in there!" Ashelin pulled out her gun and shot another hole in his clarinet. "Oh, boo hoo, one more hole isn't gonna hurt it!" Ashelin fired again, nailing Daxter in the butt. "Bet it hurts there." Daxter howled and started running around the room, knocking over the huge gong in the percussion section. "Watch it, chilipepper!" Sig yelled, as the gong rolled over and crunched three other tuba players. The other random students ran out, leaving just Jak, DJG, and Co. sitting there. Keira was taking her oboe apart, checking for whumpbee nests. "OK, class, take out the first song, "Sleigh Ride"." Keira started screaming. "No way! No freaking way!" Sig shook his head. "Come on! 17 times wasn't enough!?" Torn stared at them. "Bunch of freaking imbeciles. I am surrounded by cow turds." Tess attempted to play the trombone, but, forgetting to hold on to the slide, it flew off and nailed Jak in the back of the head, knocking him out cold. Ashelin refused to stick her hand in the bell of the French horn, so she could only play about three notes. Keira quickly put her oboe back together and started to play. A swarm of whumpbees flew in the room and started attacking her. She screamed, and started running around the room. She tripped over Jak, and woke him up. "The hell?" He started beating the swarm with his flute. Daxter, now healed from the bullet wound, dumped bubble bath in Torn's tuba. When he started playing, bubbles flew out and filled the room, killing all the whumpbees and drowning Mrs. Kostelnick. DJG fell on the ground, laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. Suddenly, the door burst open, and Mrs. Tidman walked in. She started foaming at the mouth, and grabbed Jak and Keira by the ears and pulled them out of the room, yelling: "You're going to the principle's office!" DJG sat up, still laughing. The bell rang. "It's a curse, isn't it?" Daxter yelled. Torn had tipped his tuba over Daxter's head, so he was pretty much stuck there.

_**Mr. Wempin's office…**_

"You are a disgrace! I hate you all! I'm going bald and it's your fault! $!! Go to your next class or I'll rape you! Well, not Keira. She's a girl." Mr. Wempin ranted. Keira looked at him in disgust. "What's wrong with you?!" He looked away. "I don't know…"Jak looked extremely nauseated. He pulled out his Morph-Gun and blasted him in the head 16 times. But, since DJG needs Mr. Wempin later, he didn't die. He just drop kicked Keira and Jak to their lockers. That severely pissed off Jak, so he went Dark and Dark Bombed Mr. Wempin's ugly ass.

Everyone sort of came back to the lockers, and they all decided DJG's school sucks frickin cow nipples, but they couldn't leave until the end of the day. They couldn't decide if third period, P.E, would be easy or impossible.

**DJG: "Guess we'll just have to wait and see! Sorry it's taking so long to post new chaps, but I'm juggling three stories at the same time right now, so stuff it!"**

**Muse: "You need to seriously get a life."**

**DJG: "Screw you!"**


End file.
